A Chance at this...

I had my dr.'s visit yesterday and they told me I have 4 follicles. They are small but right now I am trying to focus on the fact that it could be worse. I saw them on the sonogram. This doctor ( they circulate their doctors so on any given day who I see might change), who I love, told me he would show me everything. They have kept me on the high dosage of meds till Thursday when I have my next blood test and sonogram.

My Dr. told me that if I was 40 he would tell me to go towards getting donor eggs but because I'm young he said "we'll just keep trying." He told me that the prognosis is low for this cycle. I asked him how many follicles I should have and he said that it varies and everyone is different. He said "all we need is one." He held my hand and told me that he understands this all must be hard to hear and then he gave me a hug. He is very sensitive and empathetic, which is why I love him.

Right now they are waiting for my estrogen levels or E2 levels to go up and they are looking for my follicles to grow.

I have gone up and down emotionally yesterday & today trying to digest the information. I feel like I don't want to give up on my 4 "follies." In each of them there is the potential for life so for today I am choosing to be happy that at least I have eggs for this cycle. At least for today they have not cancelled my cycle.

I don't want to focus on what I don't have but rather on what I do have. I have a beautiful supportive husband, I have my support from friends and family, and I also feel such a sense of support from my fellow IFers who understand this road all too well. I love that I can turn to your stories and comments to make me feel less alone.

It's funny how all this time I kept thinking sperm was our only issue but lo and behold my eggs are too. I have 2 deep rooted beliefs though that no one can take: (1)Someday my husband and I will be parents...someday, somehow. (2)I know in my gut that I have good eggs in me.

For now I've got 4 follies. I am happy they are there. As long as they are there, there is hope. I am rooting them on so they will grow. I believe that anything is possible. For today, I choose to continue to look at what I have and not what I don't.

The funny thing is...I am trying to look forward and tell myself regardless of if this cycle fails or succeeds I just want a chance at this.

I attached this forum that I visited today and it made me feel so hopeful that despite the hurdles we can get pregnant. I am learning that the road may be longer but I will not give up.

http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/high-fsh-premature-ovarian-failure/689479-high-fsh-moms-pg-week-july-11th-everything-mentioned.html