The Miracle of Neo

For those who have followed my blog...surprise!

I am 12 weeks pregnant. I was keeping the news close to my heart and didn't want to post anything because there are people close to me in real life that read this blog. It was too precious to share just yet.

Today we shared our news with the last bit of family. It was so beautiful and everything I could've hoped. My husband and I are so blessed to have family who genuinely love us and rejoice in our happiness. Our family has cried with us, prayed for us, shared in our longing. We are so grateful.

Today, I was able to begin to believe that this is real...I am still processing this gift. When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is about Neo. I wake up with a smile with the understanding that this little being is growing and is safe in my womb.

There are really no words to describe the amount of gratitude we feel.

My husband...now that is someone I can fill pages of a book about. He is so beautiful. His heart is slowly unbreaking. I've seen his eyes well up with tears of happiness and gratitude over the last 3 months. He is going to be an amazing father. Being pregnant has been restorative to us as a couple. We always grew closer after each heartbreaking attempt but it did create this sad void in us. Now, through the grace of God, we are travelling on this other road. I love him. I can't wait for him to be able to be a daddy. He was born for this.

On Monday we have our 12 week scan (Nuchal Translucency Test) and then on Thursday we get to see Neo again for my 13th week appointment.

My deepest gratitude to all who have posted encouraging messages, good wishes, and prayers along this journey. I pray that you continue to keep us in your prayers as you are in mine. Thank you.

Telling Familly About Our Miracle (Part One)

I am into my 10th week. This weekend my brother in law is coming from Texas and we have decided to share our news with my husbands' siblings. It's exciting and a little...I don't know how to explain it. It's been nice to be in our own little bubble. Once we share our news it won't just be our precious little secret. I've enjoyed the quiet smiles...the silent understanding. I know though that the knowledge of Neo means that our loved ones will pray for us and Neo.

We are excited to share the news with our family. We know that they have wanted this for us for so long. We've been planning how we are going to share the news. We bought t-shirts. My husband's shirt says 1 + 1 = 3 with a picture of a man and woman holding the hand of a child. My shirt says baby on board in pig latin.

We've been dreaming about this moment for so long. I've envisioned it so many different ways. Now though it is actually happening and the thought alone brings tears to my eyes.

I am so unbelievably grateful for every moment.

I will start publishing all of these posts next weekend, which is when we will share our news with the other part of our family.

Neo is 9 weeks and we are counting our blessings!

On Thursday,we went to my OB who I hadn't seen since last year when she sat us down for a consultation before sending off to our miracle workers.

I actually met w/ another doctor in the practice, Dr. R. Apparently, I will be seeing 4 different doctors that will be rotated so that I meet them all.

There are so many thoughts I had as I sat in the waiting room on the other side of this journey. One was disbelief, in fact, there is a part of me that still can't fully comprehend what is happening. The last time we were sitting in this very waiting room I felt such heartache and was so confused as to why we weren't getting pregnant. I prayed and hoped that everything would be okay. Later we came to find out that there was a very real reason as to why things were not happening how we'd hoped. It was devastating and numbing.

Now I sat there holding my husband's hand...feeling so incredibly grateful for every day, every symptom, every moment. I know that there is still a long journey ahead of us but we feel so grateful to have gotten to this point. We are allowing ourselves to dream...to fantasize. It's wonderful and yet so scary. It took us so long to get to this point. Neo is such a precious gift.

During our sonogram we got to see Neo and found that I was actually measuring 9 weeks when we originally thought I was 8 weeks 4 days. We will take it! Everything is looking great. The heartbeat and growth is strong. Our little Neo is a survivor!

I'm taking each day...one day at a time. Each day is such a miracle. God is faithful.

Symptoms and More Symptoms

I am feeling extremely pregnant being that I've had every pregnant symptom in the book

Nausea:comes and goes and not just in the morning (check)


Heartburn: never really had any bouts of this in my life before but I'm pretty sure its what I've been having (check)


Flatulence: which is just a nice way of saying that I am so gaseous...so gross (check) By the way, why doesn't anyone talk about this?

Tired: I could go to sleep by 6:00pm every night (check)


Hunger:ever since I first found out I was pregnant I have such HUNGER. My stomach feels like such a pit when I'm hungry. I am not a stress or comfort eater so when I'm busy I usually ignore my stomach...well,now there is no ignoring Neo. My stomach is angry at me and I feel nausea if I don't eat. (check)


Tiny baby bump. It's small and cute. It's definitely more visible at night thanks to the bloating, which I love since it makes my belly seem bigger.

If it sounds like I'm complaining...NOT AT ALL!!! I am enjoying every minute of this. I LOVE BEING PREGNANT!!! I want to soak it in.

Here is a picture of Neo, my heart at 7 weeks. My heart is slowly unbreaking.

I've Graduated!

Play the graduation music because its official. On Tuesday, at 7 weeks and 2 days preggo we graduated from our clinic, so to speak.

Today we said so long to Dr.Hope (all the nurses & other Dr. Hopes). She asked us to keep in touch.

It's exciting to think that now we begin the next chapter in our journey--that of a normal pregnant woman. Even as I say that, I know that as I sit in Dr.M's office (My Obgyn)I will never be "normal." We will never be "normal." Our lives are forever changed through this experience.

We will not look back, though because there are too many blessings to look forward to. Neo is worth every minute of this journey. We are so very grateful. We got a beautiful picture of Neo & got to hear his/her heartbeat. Dr. Hope joked that the baby must've been excited b/c his/her heart was beating so fast. Everything looked wonderful, thank God! It was so precious to hear the heartbeat again.

I never cease to be amazed at how God works in such wondrous ways. God is so good!

When they cried out to You, again, You heard from heaven. Because of Your mercy, You saved them again and again. Nehemiah 9:28

Believing in the Unseemingly Impossible

6 weeks and 5 days. Pregnant.

I have posted my pregnancy stick picture as my wall paper on my laptop. I'm still incredulous. I'm still processing. I can't believe that I have a little being growing inside of me...his/her heart beating on its own independent of mine.

I've wanted this for so incredibly long. Now that its here...I'm so happy. I'm so content...like everything that was wrong in the world is finally looking up.

I've prayed for trust and faith that this is our time. That God will bless us on this journey. This is what I've been praying for. God is so good. To Him I give all praise and glory.

A little back story:

This past cycle I had made peace with the fact that perhaps things would not work out. I had made peace about trying again w/ my eggs or moving on to DE. I even made peace about giving up the dream of having biological children (at least on my end). There was a feeling of complete and utter surrender to God's perfect will.

Therefore I was a bit less neurotic. I forgot to take my Med*rol for a couple of days, I slept on my stomach, I shoveled about 12 inches of snow, my husband and I played in the snow, I threw myself on the snow and jumped around like everything was normal. In short, I had made peace. There was acceptance.

We decided to take a pregnancy test on Sat. my beta was scheduled for Monday. We had decided we didn't want to ruin our weekend so on Sat. I woke up and peed in a cup and decided to use one of my cheap little testers. My husband was going to check it as I jumped back into bed. As I laid in my bed I just prayed to God to give us strength and help us heal. My husband said that he couldn't see the test very well. He only saw one line but wasn't sure. I decided not to play around and bust out the expensive Clear*blue digital. My husband was like, "are you sure you want to waste it?" I wanted to get a clean cut answer but I told my husband, "just don't show it to me cause I can't bear to read another NOT PREGNANT." We agreed and I plopped into bed. My husband began to brush his teeth. At this point my heart was beating really fast and I just wanted him to get back into bed with me. I heard him sniffling which he does when he tears up or begins to cry. I started to pray that God be with him and that He give us comfort. I asked, "did you look?" and he said that he did but he didn't understand something. I was thinking I dipped it for too long or too little.

He comes into bed with the test. I say "did you see it?" repeatedly. He kept saying, "I did but I don't understand something." "Let me see it," I said. PREGNANT. One word changed everything. "What does this mean?" my husband kept asking. "I don't understand. Is this real?"

We were in disbelief. I did not have the crying reaction I always thought I would have. In fact, I believe my reaction was more like, WHAT? WHAT? and "I can't believe I'm seeing these words." I could've stared at them forever. I was in shock. God is funny like that. No can surprise me...I usually am too perceptive...too suspicious. God did it. He completely pulled the rug out from under me in a miraculous turn of events.

The next day I took 3 different tests. All positive. I lined then up and we just stared at them. Pregnant. Hearts Unbroken.

When I say that my husband and I are completely and utterly grateful for this miracle...let's just say it's an understatement.

The Heart Goes Boom Boom Boom...

Today I am 6 weeks and 2 days preggers (a word I've been waiting so long to call myself).

Today we saw Neo's heartbeat and we even got a chance to hear it.

It was the most beautiful sight and sound...I wanted to stay there and watch Neo forever. It was so beautiful and precious. Dr. Hope said that everything continues to look wonderful. Dr. Hope said that she could see that we are still processing this. I agreed with her that we are over the moon but still taking it all in.

I am so incredibly happy. Just to think that I have little Neo growing and developing in me. We are so unbelievably grateful!

We are keeping this miracle hush hush for a little while. Tonight I ate a delicious meal with my aunt and uncle and had to keep this beautiful news under wraps. The meal my aunt cooked was feeding two. : )

I will post this when I'm ready to. I just wanted to record these thoughts and feelings so Neo will read it someday. How can I love you so much already? Mommy and Daddy are so happy you are here!

No news was good news!

So I have been lying low. I decided not to post anything b/c I wanted to keep the knowledge of this miracle quiet for a little while. There are people very close to me that read this blog that I was not ready to share our news with, yet. Till now.

I heard the words I always hoped I'd be able to hear. Words that are slowly sinking in.

I'm pregnant. Beta: 442

I had taken 4 tests over the weekend. All positive. To be able to read the word PREGNANT from a Clear.blue digital test...I don't have words.

Dr. Hope said, "Congratulations! You are pregnant. The Beta number is strong...it can't be twins b/c we only transfered one." Then he proceeded to give me directions of where to go from here. This is such uncharted territory.

We cannot begin to describe the emotional whirlwind this weekend has been.

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