Quiet Hope and Understanding

We had our transfer and it was what I expected once more.

We have our chance. We have hope.

More importantly though we have an understanding of exactly what the hurdles we are dealing with are. It is more serious than we thought.

We have decisions to make about where to go from here.

Those decisions are premature. The last 3 nights I've laid awake...my mind racing...trying to understand the implications...trying to come to some peace.

But like I said its too early to come to any decision. We still have our little one. Neo--our embie. I'm reminding myself to have faith.

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

Watching the Golden Globes Unsuspectingly...

Okay so I'm recovering from my ER and watching the Golden Globes. As I'm watching I was looking forward to certain people winning. I LOVE Natalie Portman so I was rooting for her to win. As she is reciting her acceptance speech they close up on her mother and father. Under normal circumstances this would not mean anything except that her father apparently is one of my fertility doctors.

What the What??? No wonder he told me he would definitely not be retrieving my eggs. I have no one else to share this with who I think might appreciate this....so I decided to blog about it.

Natalie Portman's dad has seen my whooha. What a completely surreal experience that was. So you know I'll be asking why he didn't do my ER. : )

I'm cooked...

Just a quick update since I've been largely MIA. I've triggered tonight in hopes of having my ER on Sunday.

Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks!

We are a-stimmin'!

Today is day 3 of stimms. I am starting to feel some discomfort. I know my ovaries are working as hard as they can. I am thankful for all my body is doing.

Tomorrow I have my first checkup. In the past I've gone and been a bundle of nerves. I can't help but feel pressure to "perform." Saying hello to my old familiar wand buddy and waiting to hear how many eggs my body can produce in a course of days with the help high dosages of drugs. The response has usually been "you don't produce the number of eggs one would at your age." I get it. I'm not going in with any expectation beyond the realm of possibility. I am trusting God, no matter what.

This time I will only compare myself with me. I know that all it takes is one. It doesn't matter that I have a diminished ovarian reserve...I still have the egg.

I want to believe that 2011 will be a year of overcoming challenges, of realizing dreams, of renewed belief in the positive aspects of life. I want to believe that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.

I know there will be...but when?

Here's to believing that 2011 will be all that we hope it will be.