Believing in the Unseemingly Impossible

6 weeks and 5 days. Pregnant.

I have posted my pregnancy stick picture as my wall paper on my laptop. I'm still incredulous. I'm still processing. I can't believe that I have a little being growing inside of me...his/her heart beating on its own independent of mine.

I've wanted this for so incredibly long. Now that its here...I'm so happy. I'm so content...like everything that was wrong in the world is finally looking up.

I've prayed for trust and faith that this is our time. That God will bless us on this journey. This is what I've been praying for. God is so good. To Him I give all praise and glory.

A little back story:

This past cycle I had made peace with the fact that perhaps things would not work out. I had made peace about trying again w/ my eggs or moving on to DE. I even made peace about giving up the dream of having biological children (at least on my end). There was a feeling of complete and utter surrender to God's perfect will.

Therefore I was a bit less neurotic. I forgot to take my Med*rol for a couple of days, I slept on my stomach, I shoveled about 12 inches of snow, my husband and I played in the snow, I threw myself on the snow and jumped around like everything was normal. In short, I had made peace. There was acceptance.

We decided to take a pregnancy test on Sat. my beta was scheduled for Monday. We had decided we didn't want to ruin our weekend so on Sat. I woke up and peed in a cup and decided to use one of my cheap little testers. My husband was going to check it as I jumped back into bed. As I laid in my bed I just prayed to God to give us strength and help us heal. My husband said that he couldn't see the test very well. He only saw one line but wasn't sure. I decided not to play around and bust out the expensive Clear*blue digital. My husband was like, "are you sure you want to waste it?" I wanted to get a clean cut answer but I told my husband, "just don't show it to me cause I can't bear to read another NOT PREGNANT." We agreed and I plopped into bed. My husband began to brush his teeth. At this point my heart was beating really fast and I just wanted him to get back into bed with me. I heard him sniffling which he does when he tears up or begins to cry. I started to pray that God be with him and that He give us comfort. I asked, "did you look?" and he said that he did but he didn't understand something. I was thinking I dipped it for too long or too little.

He comes into bed with the test. I say "did you see it?" repeatedly. He kept saying, "I did but I don't understand something." "Let me see it," I said. PREGNANT. One word changed everything. "What does this mean?" my husband kept asking. "I don't understand. Is this real?"

We were in disbelief. I did not have the crying reaction I always thought I would have. In fact, I believe my reaction was more like, WHAT? WHAT? and "I can't believe I'm seeing these words." I could've stared at them forever. I was in shock. God is funny like that. No can surprise me...I usually am too perceptive...too suspicious. God did it. He completely pulled the rug out from under me in a miraculous turn of events.

The next day I took 3 different tests. All positive. I lined then up and we just stared at them. Pregnant. Hearts Unbroken.

When I say that my husband and I are completely and utterly grateful for this miracle...let's just say it's an understatement.