Everything that requires long term planning is linked to my desire to achieve a healthy pregnancy.
Case in point: I had a routine dentist visit, when my dentist mentioned I'll be back in December for my 6 month cleaning. All at once her voice became a faded sound (like the waugh waugh waugh from Charlie Brown). All I could think of is "I wonder if I'll be pregnant by then?" and "Imagine I come back w/ a big ole' belly??" I'd be over the moon happy.
She shook me from that little daydream when she asked me a perfectly innocent question as she went to give me my x-rays "You are not pregnant, right?" At that moment I felt a jab at my heart and a lump in my throat.
You ladies know the kind I'm speaking of. These moments I liken to when I was told to "just relax and it'll happen" or "Guess who's pregnant?" or "It just happened. We weren't even planning it!" and so many other moments like these. I'm sure we all have a collection of these stories.
Anyway, I answered pretty abruptly, "No." I guess it came out a little defensive but she then said "Oh just checking cause you know we can't do the x-rays if you were. Great! You're not pregnant. Let's go on to the x-rays." Great!
Sigh...when will these little moments not get to me. Nonetheless, I walked out with polished teeth and a jab at the heart!
That's what is so difficult about infertility--even the most innocent of remarks hurt so deeply. I am sorry that you're having to go through this and I hope that you won't be able to get your x-rays in December because this cycle works! Wishing you all the best.
ReplyDeleteHappy iclw.