My relationship with my husband is always evolving. We have been together for 10 years and I am so thankful for our love. We have had a pretty picture perfect relationship. I am married to my favorite person in the world.
Nonetheless,over the last couple of months, we have been arguing and having these explosive fights...it's been exhausting. All of my insecurities, fears, and doubts about my marriage and relationship have surfaced. At times we've both questioned whether we should be trying to have a baby b/c of our constant arguing. I am married to the most patient person in the world. No one is perfect but Lord knows its not always easy to love me.
For some unknown reason I feel like I'm being made to confront all of my baggage. I can't help but feel as though God is working on me. I'm being molded and shaped...I'm preparing myself and our relationship for this very important next step in our journey together.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me...(He will) bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release them from darkness, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61
I believe in God's promise. I'm just riding this wave right now but I know that God is here. I'm not mad anymore. I've accepted this as our path. I'm ready to open my arms again to faith. I am believing that he'll give my husband and I beauty for ashes.
Hi there, Not sure how I found my way to your place here, but I am glad that I did! We are also struggling to overcome male factor issues, and it is a hard journey to be on. I met my lover 10 years ago this past January and am grateful everyday that I am so lucky to get to share my life with such an amazing man. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined a partner who made me so happy and complete. It sounds like you feel the same way :)
ReplyDeleteI insisted that we go to counseling together every week, almost immediately after we got our IF diagnosis. I really do think it helped us bridge our communication and different ways of processing this pain. I am still seeing a therapist solo, but bring him in on occasion to hone our connection.
I have to admit that I am not at all religious, but really love your message about acceptance of this path. I've struggled to find that peace, yet know that it is a goal worth working to achieve. It took me a long time to grieve over the loss of my dream to conceive naturally with our genetic children. and in that process a new dream has emerged, to have a family. The path ahead is long, I know, and the challenges will be continuous, but I feel fortified and ready to proceed.
Sorry for the long comment! I love the way that these posts get me thinking, and writing is such a wonderful release. I'll be looking forward to following your journey. Take care,
-Foxy