Here she blows...

So yesterday the bitch reared her ugly head. I am not hurting as I have in the past...although I am getting tired of the disappointment.

I am so tired of the ups and downs of this horrible rollercoaster. I have an appointment w/ my RE tomorrow at the butt crack of dawn cause I refuse to take any more days off of work for this right now. Work is my life force...its what's keeping me sane. I can't have another day in my head.

I am so tired of taking pregnancy tests w/ the hope that somehow maybe somehow I'll be one of those urban legends you hear about that get pregnant while preparing for IVF. Of course, this is not the path I'm on.

For whatever reason, beyond my understanding, these are the circumstances we've been presented with. The tough decisions that have to be made...the tears that have to be shed...the mental and emotional adjustments one has to make...the bank account that will be depleted all in hopes for an opportunity to bring a miracle baby into this world.

Will I ever be on the other side of this looking back? I miss who I was before this. I'm changed. We both are. Nothing is going to change that. Infertility is now a part of who we are but will parenthood be as well?