Some days are good...

Some days are not so good...

Today I am feeling upset and sorry for myself. I think its partially the hormones in the BCP's and partially our shitty circumstance.

Today is a day I reflect on how different our lives were 2 years ago.
Today is a day I wonder why it had to be us.
Today is a day I contemplate what it would be like to get pregnant naturally.
Today I resent having to go through infertility treatment.
Today I can't stand another story of a child being abused or abandoned or unloved.
Today I believe this world can be unfair.
Today I'm hurt.

I want so much to be on the other side of this nightmare. Sometimes I fear that we'll never get a chance to be parents at least of our own biological children. Sometimes on a day like today, I fear that I'll never be pregnant...That I'll never be able to carry our child in my womb and feel it kick and move inside me....that I'll never know the joy of hearing our baby's heartbeat...

Like I said some days are good and some days are not.

I'm going to allow myself to wallow if just for a little bit. I will allow myself to be mad and feel the injustice of it all.

Infertility is something no one would wish on anyone. I feel such a kinship and sisterhood with all the beautiful, strong, deserving women who long like I do...who know what it feels like to not take for granted the miracle of bringing life into this world. Today as I feel the way I do, I think of all you. I pray for you and I hope that everything works just as it is meant to for you. Knowing you are out there--your strength and courage gives me hope.