This is hard. This list has been silent in my heart and in my head for so long...
What if I never really know how my husband's MFI has affected him or how its changed him?
What if I never get to hold my sleeping baby in my arms?
What if I never get to hold a little hand that trusts me to care of it?
What if I never hear "Mommy"?
What if I never get to right the wrongs of my childhood by imparting all the love I have to give to my child?
What if IF gets the best of us?
What if we never conquer infertility?
What if we are one of those couples who try and try and have many unsuccessful IVF's?
What if after all this waiting we finally are able to get pregnant and I miscarry?
What if I never recover from this heartbreak?
What if I never regain who I was before IF?
What if I never feel "whole"?
What if my husband never gets to hold our child in his arms?
What if we never experience reading -Pregnant- on the pregnancy test?
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What if IVF is it for us?
What if we never took the chance?
What if we lived in a different time and place, would we have been childless?
What if in 3 short months, I will be with child after all the tears and heartache?
What if in 3 short months, I finally cry tears of joy?
What if by this time next year, I will be pregnant or almost due?
http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
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Unwavering Hope
- Unwavering Hope
- I am a 29 year old woman married to my best friend and love of my life. My husband is 39 and has been diagnosed w/ Male Factor Infertility. I have a diminished ovarian reserve (FSH levels 11.9 & 7.8 ). We have tried IUI's and are now on the path to IVF w/ ICSI. Our third attempt lead us to where we are now. We are now blessed with our miracle son. This is our journey.
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I will never be the same, my husband will never ber be the same after MFI diagnosis and IF. It has impacted our relationship both in good and bad ways.
ReplyDeleteAfter IVF/ICSI nr 1. I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant). Though I will never be the same and I know that this might be the only time we become parents, it has somehow made me forget all the hurt and pain due to IF and I only remember the good ways on how Infertility has changed us.
Your hubby will never be the same after his diagnosis and it will have changed him, but not all changes are a bad thing. IF sucks and MFI sucks big time, because we can't take all the burden on ourselves and we have to watch as our hubbies suffer.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot of "what ifs". Pretty much the same ones that I have had swirling in my head for our entire TTC journey. I'm afraid to focus on the positive what ifs too!! :)
ReplyDeleteI just want to say you are not alone. I'm here from Lost and Found. There's a lot of us who are where you are or have been where you are. It's a sucky journey, and a forced journey.
What a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteI am here from Lost and Found, my DH has male factor as well. No fun.
I will be following your posts! Good luck to you on this journey!
Baby Gaga,
ReplyDeleteYour pregnancy makes me believe that it can happen and hopefully will.
Thank you for being candid about your MFI and how its changed you and your husband. This journey is not a walk in the park...you've made it on the other side. God bless you and your growing family.
Mommy in Waiting,
ReplyDeleteMen are just built differently though aren't they? As open and vocal as we both are with each other through this process...I still can't say that I know exactly where he's at or how he's dealing w/ this...
Me: I've got a list that involves family, crying to my best friend, seeing a therapist, trying to take on yoga, blogging.
My husband: He's got me. I love him so much but I still don't know what this is doing to him psychologically.
Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from!
Rambler,
ReplyDeleteI agree that its a lot of what if's...and they were scary to write down. There is a world of us out there connecting through shared experiences...how amazing. Thanks for reaching out to me.
Here from LFCA to wish you good luck with your upcoming treatments. We struggled with MFI for 4+ years and just had our IVF/ICSI baby girl four months ago (on our first cycle...it can happen!). Thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteBetsy from ItsAZooAroundHere
what a beautiful post , thank you for sharing all those emotions, scary and hard with us. I can only HOPE for you, that your journey leads you to that baby who calls you Mommy.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Piccinigirl,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your encouraging words.
I'm overwhelmed by the support and encouragement from all you wonderful strong women. THANK YOU!!! It made my night!