One Moment at a Time...

I have heard people say that the 2 week wait can be more difficult than the whole IVF process. Now I understand why.

Despite all the hanging anticipation, I have been doing my best to live in the moment. I don't know what tomorrow may bring but for today I am pregnant. I am trusting that my body is taking care of these precious gifts. Most importantly, though I am trusting that everything will work out just as it should.

I keep thinking about all those times that we tried and how I wanted so much to believe that we were close but we weren't every really as close as we are now.

We have never gotten this far. Isn't that in and of itself totally amazing? Isn't it a miracle?

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I am trying my best not to worry about it.

You see, the thing is, I'm already in love. I look at the picture of my embies everyday. We tell them that we want them to get comfortable and burrow inside of me. I pray for them at every moment. They are already a part of me. They were created out of love, hope, patience, and perserverance. They are already survivors.

Then there's my husband who I love more than words can express. His desire to be a father is so great. I want with all of my heart for his dream to come true. The truth is, if there is anyone who deserves to be a father it is him. He has waited patiently. He has been so strong for me. He has picked me up off the floor so many times throughout this journey. He has this quiet strength about him. He has not always been as open as I have about my feelings. This has often worried me. Instead, he's focused on the opportunities. Always reminding me to keep my faith and hope alive. "It'll happen...Someday, baby"--he always says.

It's in his eyes. The desire. The unspoken prayers. The longing. It's in his eyes.

So I won't worry about tomorrow. I am trying my best to enjoy this process because enveloped in this anticipation is this gift. A gift of opportunity. A gift of promise.

Two weeks ago, we didn't know if we would have a chance at this. Two weeks ago, we weren't sure if we could create life. Two weeks ago, we didn't know if we would have embryos. Two weeks ago, we hadn't seen the embies. All of our dreams... in this little photograph.

Now we wait but we wait with a gift. Today we are closer to starting our family.

So yes, there's anticipation in the air but there is also a gratitude for where we've come from and how far we've gone.

I'll never regret this.