Dreams

All throughout this journey I've wanted to have dreams...if at least to see myself pregnant or holding our child in my arms.

You would think that I'd be dreaming about this constantly being as it seems to be all encompassing in my life.

A couple nights ago I had a dream that my husband and I were in the hospital. I was in labor and felt a lot of pain. But the funny thing was that initially I was not aware that I was pregnant. The nurse gave me a reassuring look and said something like "We're ready." The acknowledgement that I was not only pregnant but that I would be giving birth to this long-awaited miracle was truly overwhelming. The kind of dream where you are crying and realize when you wake up that you are still crying. My husband's face was priceless. The certainty that the struggles of this journey had been fruitful was more than my heart could take. I was incredibly happy at the thought that we would be holding our child in a little while.

Last night, I had a dream that I was holding this little infant but something was trying to take it away. The baby was wrapped in a blanket. In my dream I kept trying to find quiet and safe places to hold and kiss this baby. This dream was so strange.

Anyway, this waiting period is very difficult. I should be very familiar with this. I'm anticipating going back to work and am a little anxious. I think getting back into the grind will be good for me mentally. I'm a little anxious about hearing "news" from women I work with. Like guess who's pregnant? Not to mention that a few of my closest colleagues knew about our plans to do IVF during the summer. I don't know how to approach this if it comes up. If they ask me how I'm doing or how did it go? I know it's my business and no one elses. I think this time I will be much more private. Any suggestions?