Aunt Flo rears her ugly head...I'm heartbroken

Aunt Flo came and once again I am heartbroken. I am telling myself its okay to mourn. I sit here in tears as I write this...

Infertility can sometimes be a silent aching...as much support as I have (my dh, my best friend, my therapist)...I sit and feel alone in my heartbreak.

I find myself lost in my thoughts....I look out the window and get lost in my hopes, memories, sadness, confusion, anger. I feel in some ways like I'm a shell of who I used to be.

I go through my days as a version of myself--I am not who I was. The second I leave work and sit in my car my thoughts come back to my longing.

I read recently that infertility causes trauma. I read this in a book I'm devouring entitled "Unsung Lullabies" where the author referred to IF as "reproductive trauma". I know that I am experiencing this. This is something that became a part of my journey in this life. This is something I will never forget and I just pray that we have something beautiful come from this.

I have hope. I just ask God for strength to do what it is we need to, to bring a precious miracle into this world.