I don't have much to say except that my heart is breaking. On Saturday, my husband woke up with this restless feeling. I told him earlier in the week that I felt my period coming so we were trying to mentally prepare. This didn't make it easier really. How do you make a heart break quietly? So Saturday, I watched the man I love break down crying in my arms. Crying out of frustration and anger and sadness. My heart couldn't take it. I just hurt for him.
This sucks. We found out that besides my 2 eggs all of the other 3-4 follicles were empty. Why?, I asked. Dr. Hope didn't know but this is something they usually see in someone who is much older. Oh, that's not good, I said. Then I proceeded to cry.
Can this be? Can my body be holding me back from our dreams?
The hardest part was talking to Dr. Hope during my lunch hour. By the way, I was crying while my student teacher walked in. I had to explain why I was a blubbering mess and told her "I'm sorry this shouldn't be part of your student teaching experience." I had to gather myself and teach 20 little 2nd graders a math lesson when all I wanted to do was hug my husband and cry. I had a numbing drive home.
We have a follow-up appointment on Thursday. Hopefully, we'll have more answers...reassurance...a plan.
I wish I could put my emotions aside while doing IVF. I would be a machine and chug along...but I can't and this is becoming emotionally taxing.
How much longer? How many more tries? When will our dream come true?
This pain...you wouldn't wish it on anyone. This longing...is unbearable. This dream...seems unreachable at times.
When will our day come?
Gosh, I'm so so so sorry. I don't know what else to say. I don't want to reassure you that your time is coming because I'm sure you've heard that a million times. Just know my heart goes out to you during this time and I will pray for you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh dear friend, I'm so, so sorry. You're right the pain is awful and so incredibly unfair. Sending love, peace, and prayers for strength to you both tonight. I wish I could take away the pain you two are going through, all I can offer is these few words and the promise that you are not alone ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that it didn't work out again. I will continue to pray for you. There's really no words to say. Life can be unfair and we'll never understand why these things happen. I'm still praying your dream will come true soon.
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