The ups and downs

Today I feel a little sad. Heartbroken. I find myself fazing out and staring out into nothing. I'm sad. I guess it goes without saying that there are days like this...where it's hard to see when we will get to the other side.

I want to skip all of this and get to the part where we are holding our miracle baby. I am believing that it will happen. It's so hard to wait.

Last night I had a dream that I was around all of these children in a playground. All the children were playing and laughing around me. Some of them were smiling at me. I don't know who they all were and why they were standing around me but all I knew was that I had this beautiful belly.I looked down and the realization of this filled my heart with such emotion. In my dream I realized that I was pregnant and that all of those children also knew I was pregnant. In my dream, my biggest, sweetest dream had come true. It made me fill up with gratitude and happiness. It was such an emotional dream...the kind where you wake up shaken by it. It was special.


I woke up to a sad feeling. I am crying as I post this but its the first time I've cried in a couple of days. It comes and goes.

My husband has been so incredible. I am so grateful to have him to go through this with. He is doing everything he can to occupy his thoughts and time. We do what we can.

We believe our day will come. For right now, we are both somber. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.